The Silent Shift: 5 Trends Every Parent, Mentor, and Young Man Should Know
This isn’t just a crisis. It’s a quiet unraveling. And no one’s talking about it.
Image by paweł kuczyński
There’s this look I’ve come to recognize.
Eyes that won’t quite meet mine.
A voice that flatlines.
A body slouched like it’s tired of carrying weight it can’t name.
A boy walks into therapy.
Says he’s fine.
Tells me about school.
Maybe his sleep.
Never the truth—at least not at first.
But eventually, it surfaces.
“I don’t know what I’m doing here.”
“Nothing matters.”
“I’m tired all the time.”
“I don’t know who I am.”
We’re watching a generation of boys fade into numbness.
And while the world argues about masculinity and cancel culture, here’s what’s actually happening behind closed doors:
1. Boys are more alone than ever.
In 1990, only 3% of young men said they had no close friends.
Today, that number is 15%.
That’s not just a stat.
That’s millions of boys who can’t name a single person they trust.
Isolation isn’t quiet.
It echoes.
It grows teeth.
It turns into depression, addiction, withdrawal, and sometimes… silence that doesn’t break.
2. We tell them to talk, but we haven’t made it safe.
There’s a reason boys don’t open up.
Most of them have tried.
They said something once—
“I’m not okay.”
And someone laughed.
Rolled their eyes.
Told them to toughen up.
So they learned.
Be strong.
Be silent.
Be what people expect.
3. The search for meaning is turning digital.
When no one shows them how to live, they ask the internet.
And the internet answers.
Sometimes, it gives them good advice.
But often, it hands them anger disguised as strength.
Misogyny disguised as masculinity.
A community built on outrage, not connection.
It’s not that they’re fragile.
It’s that they’re starving for identity.
And they’ll take it anywhere they can get it.
4. Their bodies are changing—and not in ways we understand.
Over the last two decades, average testosterone levels in young men have dropped 25%.
That matters.
Because low testosterone mimics depression:
Low energy
Low motivation
Low mood
Low drive
This isn’t about blaming biology.
It’s about recognizing that boys are fighting battles on every front—mental, emotional, physical.
5. They’re not broken. But they are overwhelmed.
You don’t need to be a therapist to see it.
You just need to pay attention.
They’re pulling back.
Sleeping more.
Talking less.
Losing interest in things they used to love.
And no one’s asking why—until it’s too late.
I’ve sat with these boys.
Heard their confessions.
Felt their pain.
And I can tell you this:
They don’t need more pressure.
They don’t need more shame.
They don’t need to be “fixed.”
They need someone who sees them.
If you’ve read this far—
Maybe you are that someone.
And maybe this is your reminder to check in with a boy in your life.
Not because he asked.
But because he probably won’t.
THIS is one of the most devastating, spot on articles I have read in a long time.
Being a mum of 2 boys, this hits me hard, touches me deeply.
Having trusted you to help one of mine through some stuff makes my heart sing.
I know you were the perfect person to get him!!
THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. (Even though Thank You won't ever be enough.)
Very good article that is descriptive of young men in our society today. I strongly think we, our society, have not caught up to our young males needs based upon today s changes within our society. For decades , young men were not permitted to express their emotions, they were the tough faces, the tough exterior, we girls ran to for help. The boys were our protectors. But our society has many changes within. Now our young males found ways to outwardly hide to keep that image of “ tough.” And who even knows the definition of tough anymore. Is it bullying? Bullying is Not a joke!!! It extremely serious offense and anyone who knows someone who is being bullied has choices, report the bullying to the correct authorities whether in school or out of school. In school, principal, assistant principal, school counselor, teachers, or any other school staff. As a friend or acquaintance of the male being bullied, stand with him, and answer for him then make your report with or without the bully’s knowledge of your reporting. If physical harm is to occur, immediately make your report. Outside of school, the parent, and your parent. If harm, the police. Bullying can cause serious injury even death. Any young person, who says, or intimidates suicide thoughts or makes an outwardly remark or intention of suicide, call the police immediately when outside of school. You do not have to be right, you do not have to give your name, you will not suffer any negative consequences. In school, immediately a teacher or principal, counselor or assistant principal. Suicide thoughts are serious, take that thought seriously. Someone in that state is in crisis and just wants the emotional pain to stop. And sometimes the emotional pain is unbearable to an individual. Do not be a judge, that is not your responsibility. Young boys need to talk, young boys need to feel wanted and safe to talk without shamed or ridicule. We need more young boys to write on this website, you do not have to give your right name, but one start the writing for others to join in and describe how isolated or alone you feel and how society wants you to normalize those feelings when isolation and loneliness is the opposite of our heritage. We are social animals do not let anyone tell you differently. Keep moving keep talking, keep writing. Answers, positive answers, will and do follow. Someone be the catalyst. I taught Anti bullying lessons in middle school. I also told the students, answer the bully do not keep quiet. Just make sure your answer is appropriate, no ridicule, no swearing, and if possible, use humor if you can. And, always tell a trusted adult to brainstorm how the both of you can stop the bullying, now!